Dear Santa:All I want for Christmas is for the ruffians to escape this one time

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Darin A. Lahners

 

 

Editor's Note: This is Satire.  Please read this with that in mind.  I'm just having some fun and trying to spread some Holiday cheer by making you laugh (hopefully). 

 

Dear Santa:

Every third degree, I'm forced to tell these three fellow craft that I have seen three workmen from the temple and men of Tyre attempting to book passage to Ethiopia, but they didn't have King Solomon's pass and turned back into the country.  I then get to see them captured by the same fellow craft and witness King Solomon order them to be executed according to the several imprecations they gave while in the clefts of the rocks.

 

I feel really bad about this.  I know these men, many of them are past Masters. As much as they have tortured me by shouting out the ritual anytime I pause to take a breath while delivering it, I don't want them to die in that way.  It's honestly too good of a fate for them.  I'd rather more torture be involved to make up for the chaos they cause in every degree. Santa, if bellyaching was an Olympic sport, they'd all get Gold Medals. Santa, Why are most Past Masters so angry? 

The only ones that aren't are the ones who became secretaries of their respective lodges. That role makes the bitterness become a slow burn. 

Replace the U with an I, and its winner winner chicken dinner.

 

Santa, I know that the Ruffians are obviously not very good murderers, since they were part of a conspiracy of many to begin with.  Compile this with them not having an alibi, leaving the murder weapons at the scene of the crime, burying the body close enough to the murder site that you can see it, hanging around near where they buried the body, and then openly confessing their guilt within earshot of their pursuers from the clefts of the rocks; I realize they are about as inept as the burglars in Home Alone.

 

Santa, I don't like them calling me a rat, just because I was asked to perform a part in the degree that they asked me to perform.  They're usually really mad that I turned them in, and let's just say that Hiram got off easy.  They really lay into me. It really hurts to have them treat me this way.  I defend myself by saying that my obligation tells me I did the right thing.  Something...something..Murder and Treason excepted. Should I feel bad?  Probably not, but I do. Santa, I'm between a rock and hard place here. Pardon the pun.   

Yes, I know they killed a really important guy.  But I heard this guy, Hiram Abiff was inspecting the temple, and he was careless while inspecting it because he was too busy thinking about the Queen of Sheba and her huge tracts of land.  He dislodged a stone which fell and killed this dude named Cavelum, who was kin to King Solomon.  That's why he had the north gate walled up, and he called it a place of darkness.  I mean if he accidentally murdered someone, shouldn't he have have met with a similar fate?  An eye for an eye.  Oh wait, that was King Hammurabi. King Solomon likes to order that babies get cut in two. (1 Kings 3 16:28) I'm sorry Santa, that was dark for a Christmas letter.  All I'm saying is that Hiram isn't as innocent as he's made out to be. 

 

 

Santa, I also heard this King Solomon dude had this Hiram guy whacked because he was too "familiar" with the Queen of Sheba. Shouldn't we be holding King Solomon accountable for his murder?  It just seems unfair that these three dudes get killed for doing something that they were ordered to do. I heard later on that all the workmen from the Temple were killed by King Solomon anyway, like he made them some Kool-Aid and they drank it and they all fell dead.  Isn't he the real villain here? I think he committed genocide. (http://www.midnightfreemasons.org/2015/02/uproxx-style-masonry.html)

 

An Artists Interpretation of King Solomon ordering the Special Kool-Aid to be ingested

 

Santa, all the ruffians wanted were some secrets that they were promised by Hiram. This King Solomon dude took advantage of this.  Hiram should have just coughed them up; the temple was pretty much done at that point. Honestly, I just don't know what the big deal is, they could have just gone on the internet and found them. It would have saved me, them, and Hiram a lot of hassle.  

 

Please Santa, just this once Santa, can we just let them live?  That way I won't be a Narc, unlike those employees at the Holy Royal Golden Arches.  I hear they'll turn anyone in. I can sleep better that one night knowing I didn't rat my brothers out and I won't be sore from their "retribution". Yes, I know that would be irregular work, Santa.  But, in the spirit of the Holidays...I'm hoping you can use some of your Christmas magick and get the Grandmaster to turn a blind eye this one time I tell the Fellow-craft I haven't seen anything? 

 

 

Santa, can you please sprinkle some of that magickal dust and let them get away? I'd sure appreciate it.  Or at least let me be the second fellow craft.  I know that part as well. Then we can let someone else be the narc and my conscious is clear.

 

Signed-

A Wayfaring Man

 

~DAL

 

Darin Lahners wishes everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Festive Yule, and more generically a Happy Holiday Season if you don't fit into any of the above.

From Rough Ashlar to Refined Self: The Masonic Journey Toward Perfection

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Jim Stapleton

In Freemasonry, the Rough and Perfect Ashlars are two important symbols that represent the moral and spiritual development of the individual Mason. By understanding the meaning of the Rough and Perfect Ashlars, we can gain insight into the necessary journey of personal growth and self-improvement that is required of us all. However, despite our best efforts, perfection will always remain out of reach. This shortfall should not be seen as a failure. The important truth is that the value of perfection lies not in its attainment, but in the pursuit of perfection. The journey toward perfection helps us to grow, learn resilience, and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves.

The Rough Ashlar is a stone taken directly from the quarry in its raw and unshaped form. The rock is jagged, uneven, and not suitable for use in construction. We view the Rough Ashlar as a symbol of the new Brother as they embark on their Masonic Journey. As a Rough Ashlar, they are full of potential, but in need of refinement. The goal of the Freemason is to shape this imperfect stone into something useful, just as an operative stonemason would carve a stone hewn from the quarry into a building block fit for construction. The process of shaping the stone symbolizes our work towards self-improvement and the journey toward moral and ethical development.

In contrast, the Perfect Ashlar is a stone that has been carefully shaped, polished, and squared. Through its transformation, it is ready to be used in the construction of a building. In Freemasonry, it represents the ideal that every Mason should strive to be - a moral person that is wise and caring. The Perfect Ashlar is the product of a lifetime of continuous effort, reflection, and discipline. The stone is no longer flawed and therefore made suitable for the construction of the Spiritual Edifice. 

Striving for perfection is a noble endeavor, but we can never reach a truly perfect state. Afterall, as humans we are imperfect beings. Yet, the process of striving towards an ideal state encourages personal growth and perseverance. People who aim for perfection in their craft - whether in art, sports, science, or personal development - often achieve a level of excellence far beyond what they would have if they never made the attempt. The Japanese concept of kaizen encourages continuous improvement through small, incremental changes. Every small improvement contributes to long-term growth and fosters a mindset that values effort over final outcomes.

Consider the example of an artist. A painter may never create a "perfect" masterpiece, but the process of attempting to do so refines their technique, enhances their creativity, and deepens their emotional expression. Every mistake, correction, and revision shapes their skills and overall understanding of their craft. Similarly, the scientific field is full of examples of people building on past discoveries to achieve progress. The process of challenging existing paradigms and proposing new ideas leads to groundbreaking discoveries. Thomas Edison, considered to be amongst the most prolific inventors, experienced a number of failures. He often credited those failures as learning opportunities that helped him to achieve success. Athletes are another example because they face constant failures such as missed shots, losses, and injuries. Those who remain committed to the process of improvement often come back stronger. When perfection is thought of as a guiding principle rather than a destination, failure becomes a valuable teacher. People who embrace failure as part of the process develop resilience, adaptability, and a growth mindset.

Those who pursue perfection with the belief that it is obtainable may experience suffering as a result. Perfectionism can lead to increased anxiety, stress, depression, fear of failure, procrastination, strained relationships, etc. The unrealistic expectations they set for themselves and others is unhealthy and unproductive. 

The symbolism of the Rough and Perfect Ashlars are important images for Masons to use in their daily lives. Recognizing that we are imperfect and that we need to develop the tools, skills, and discipline to improve ourselves is the point of our spiritual journey. While the attainment of perfection is impossible for us, the journey towards perfection is where the true value lies. Slow and steady progress with the goal of working towards perfection is how we grow, develop wisdom, and become more resilient. Through this mindset we can unlock the power to become better, stronger, and more fulfilled individuals.

~JS

Jim Stapleton a Past Master of USS New Jersey Lodge No. 62. He is also a member of the New Jersey Lodge of Masonic Research and Education No. 1786. Jim received the Distinguished White Apron Award from the Grand Lodge of New Jersey. He was awarded the Daniel Carter Beard Masonic Scouter Award. Jim is also a member of the Society of King Solomon.

Do I really want to be a Past Master?

by Midnight Freemason Guest Contributor

Matthew Walters

If I can take a minute to set the backdrop for this “epistle” (as one of my Masonic Mentors dubs my emails to the Lodge and our York Rite), I am thirty-eight years old, married with two children under the age of three and am a public servant by occupation.  I was Initiated, Passed, and Raised in September 2017, November 2017, and March 2018 respectively.  I sat the remaining portion of the year on the sidelines learning about this new and amazing brotherhood that I had joined.  I am a first-generation Freemason in my direct line with some distant great uncles who were (deceased) Masons and Shriners. My working knowledge of Freemasonry was directly from a co-worker of whom I asked, “the question.”  From there I was adopted into a smaller circle of passionate younger masons in my Lodge and introduced to my first “salty old dog” Past Master.  

The group brought me under their wing with items to read, fellowship after meetings with a few beers and late-night masonic talks.  I was hooked.  Ready to be involved like they were.  Some of them were officers, soon to be officers, lodge educators, catechism coaches, and meal providers for Stated meetings.  The fellowship was real and flowing.  My wife met their wives.  It was a glorious time.  Skip a rock and I hear about the York Rite.  This group is all apart of something special and big, they refer to planning meetings aka “White Boarding.”  I see a dry-erase board with names, roles, and supply lists.  So, I ask, what is that?  I am informed that they are part of saving our local York Rite body which dates to 1886 for the Chapter (1944 – Council and 1922 -Commandery).  “What’s the project and how can I help?”  “Well, you need to be a member to help and that’s just it, we are learning all the Degrees and Orders from memory and have a class that is going through them in long form and not at a festival.”  Another new mason and I jump on the next festival as we are burning hot and wanting to be apart.  I was then admitted and received all Degrees and Orders conferred on me in a large class in April of 2019.  Three days later the two of us have non-speaking roles in the Royal Master’s Degree.  Excited to give back that fast, I want a speaking role in the Illustrious Order of the Red Cross.  Ask and ye shall receive.  Every Saturday we practice for weeks learning the floor work and ritual from the old salty dog we will call Boaz.  I became involved in fellowship during hours of practice, laughing, telling stories and getting deeper into this fraternity, and learning simultaneously about the Craft lodge.  

Insert my first dose of the reality of the Past Master flex.  As a new member, I asked to be involved in my blue lodge.  The Master elect is filling roles, so I ask to have a position as an appointed officer.  Junior Steward it is.  I am off to a great start.  I want to give an education; I have been reading and studying.  The master says yes.  I present a research piece on the details of the Entered Apprentice Scripture and why I think it is important.  Three or so pages later, there is no discussion, the lodge applauds, and I sit down.  A Past Master comes up after the Stated and said for your first education it was pretty good but a little long for this crowd.  Shorten your next one.  Yes, sir, I am on it.  A meeting or so later attendance is down, and a prominent Past Master and former District officer comments in open lodge that if those York Rite guys would show up to the Stated like they did their own York Rite meetings and practices, we wouldn’t be talking about attendance.  At which time Boaz, as a Past Master, but not of this Lodge asks the brother which ones aren’t here, as most of the line currently is York Rite and those on the sideline are too.  The standoff is over quickly with quiet whispers on the sidelines.  While seconds in duration, this felt like a long scene in Tombstone when Doc Holiday has just been introduced to Johnny Ringo in the saloon.  I have never seen brotherly behavior like this before.  Finger-pointing and maybe a false accusation in open lodge, whew that was weird, I am glad it is over.  

The fall is now on us, and Lodge elections are approaching, the Secretary informs the Lodge he is older, wishing to spend more time with his grandkids, and will be stepping down at the end of the year.  No one asks to learn or become an assistant to that highly sought-after chair in or after the meeting.  I approached him the next month and asked if he would teach me what was needed, that I would be interested in becoming his Assistant Secretary, he smiled and said yes.  That is heard by some Past Masters, and I am told by one that I need to be sure that I understand giving up going through the line as this isn’t a two-to-three-year commitment.  Hey, the Lodge needs me, and I am ready to serve.  At the next meeting, it is announced I am the Assistant Secretary, all knowing full well that means my name will be read aloud in a few months as Secretary…it does haha.  About a year or so later, the now Past Secretary passes away.  

Meeting after meeting I find myself having to refer to the Code (governing document of rules/regulations/constitution in my jurisdiction) to answer questions, Past Masters and Masters look to me in meetings to have the answer.  I was not prepared for this part.  I begin reading the Code and do so cover to cover.  I dog ear pages, email the Grand Lodge questions not covered, ask Past Masters.  On the later group, I begin to get differing answers locally in my Lodge.  Coming to degree practices, I see disagreement after disagreement from Past Masters who are coaching the new officers on their roles.  It’s the left foot, right foot, the versus thee, should, and shall.  I begin to question teachers and get “tradition” as my answer.  I asked for items of lighting in degree, I get told the Code by one, the ritual by another, and tradition by a third.  Degree after degree men are correcting officers on the ritual in the degree, after the degree, prompting words of all types during a freeze up or pause by officers.  Past Masters and Past Masters only are allowed (or condoned) to do this.  Officers don’t question them and don’t know from practice to practice how it may go.  Bad mouthing current officers’ ability to lead, confer degrees, spending lodge funds for meals being catered, floor work, coaching, all begin to come to light in my eyes in groups of Past Masters after meetings, practices, and degrees.  I’ve now lost count of how many strikes just were thrown there.  My apologies.  Now my lodge is no different than yours, the Shrine, the York, the Scottish Rite, etc. take the new brothers you hear from Past Masters.  I get it, but wait, do they?  Do men seek what they aren’t getting in their Lodge elsewhere?  My answer is yes.  But it is also they are looking to be treated like a brother, and not a kid brother who is beaten up by the older sibling to make you tough.  Love does hurt but we try to minimize it right?

So, you think I am done with this little article or are saying to yourself “ok stop complaining, let me tell you how to fix it” …but I am not done just yet.  Fast forward a few months and new men don’t return to Lodge and begin to step out of line for verbal treatment and constant correction.  Fact, I asked via phone calls and a survey to the members why they don’t attend.  District combined degrees begin to be set by a few Past Masters and not the sitting Master of my Lodge.  Code violations galore begin to be seen across the District, as Past Masters flex and claim unity of District Lodges. My eyes are opened once again as I come to light to the drama of Masonry.  Past Masters guide sitting Master’s to incorrect actions in Lodge meetings.  “Tradition” is repeated a lot.  “For the good of Masonry” at other times.  Insert sister Lodge bashing now, “in you know Lodge name, they are the way they are.”  Or “that’s insert Past Master who runs that Lodge, they have always been that way.”  “But our lodge is better than that we don’t do that.”  In opening meetings, we allow visiting Past Masters to sing the praise for degree work of my Lodge and thinking ours is superior to others in the district in front of members from those Lodges.  Yes, that means the multiple visiting Past Masters put down their own Lodges in the process.  We are on the level, yes?  Or the Lodge who votes on petitions with only the criminal background check but no subordinate Lodge Committee of Investigation.  We also have a sitting Past Master who is told by a District officer, at a District degree, that he can open an Emergent communication without notice to their membership due to them having a quorum, of a lodge he isn’t a member of.  Why some may ask, so that a catechism of a brother can be heard, so he can join the 3rd Degree that was planned for the Stated in about thirty minutes.  Due and timely notice for an Emergent anyone?  Do we have membership requirements to open Lodges?  Wow, I am glad I am not in that lodge you say, I have just covered over half of my district in Past Master behavior in front of me or after the fact through complaints of others to me, like I can do something about it as Secretary of the one and only Lodge I am a member.  Masonic charges do come to mind for some of the issues, but who would be left?  Notify the District officers you say, done and done and several have in my short time also contributed to this problem being a bit of a good ole boy nomination club, not to mention are direct stories past and present mentioned above.

Let me be clear on one very important topic, this epistle was not meant to bash my Lodge, my District, or my Grand Jurisdiction.  I know you all have your story of that group, clique, or whatever of Past Masters that run the lodge you are a member of.  But my thought is this when I decline the role one day as Secretary, do I want to get in line.  Do I want to be a Past Master who is a Worshipful Brother and not just a Brother?  Do I want to sign the registry and put PM behind my name, so all know who sign in after me that I am a Past Master?  Do I want to wear a non-approved Past Master apron and violate the Code in an open lodge after an education was given, as to needing to replace them with a legal and Grand Lodge/Code-approved Past Master apron?  I do not know.  And to that core I mentioned earlier, well they aren’t all here anymore in my lodge.  A small few are in my York Rite body that is still thriving and loving and friendly.  I am currently on my second term in the East there, and while the York has a thousand titles, I am just the man in the East trying to keep education at the forefront of the body and the studying of the ritual and connection to and through craft masonry.  On my Lodge, District and the Craft, we shall see what the future holds.  I hope this piece helps some who read it learn what not to do.  If some are reading it and you are doing some of the above things, I hope this helps aid your reformation to do good unto all, more especially to the household of the faithful…and you learn the definition of Brother.  I will close this by saying, that I know there are a ton of good Masters, Past Masters, and Past Grand Masters out there.  I am not bashing you for leading and doing the right thing.  I want to pass the chairs in my heart and honor that role and title.  I believe in doing things the right way.  Maybe it will be in my mother lodge, or maybe I will honor the “traveling man” and journey to a new Lodge one day or help charter the “Change” Lodge where all are equal, welcome, and live the tenants of Masonry.

~MW

Matthew Walters resides in North Carolina with his wife and two children. Raised a Master Mason in 2018, he is currently the Secretary of his Lodge and has been since 2020, as well as serving on the Lodge Education Committee.  Other fraternal memberships include the York Rite where he has served as HP, IM, and EC (2023-present). He is also a member of the Allied Masonic Degrees, Knight Masons, and York Rite Sovereign College.  

Fear and Loathing on Thanksgiving

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Darin A. Lahners

WB Darin trying to whisper good counsel to a 

 brother - 'Stop being a dick!'

Here we are yet again...another Thanksgiving.  Another day of food and football, and in many cases depending on the level of dysfunction of your family... too much alcohol and a family fight (or more than one).  I'm about to pick a family fight without the alcohol...without the food...without the football.  The fight I am going to pick is based on our behavior. Mostly on social media, but this can also apply in real life. It's probably a good time to discuss this given the real possibility of fear and loathing on this Thanksgiving day. 

No, in fact, what I saw on many brothers social media posts up to and after the election. To be clear...this goes for both supporters of the red and blue...or anyone in between...can we stop: with memes and comments that go against our core values... pretty much those demeaning against certain individuals who are of a different gender, race, religion or sexual preference? Basically, can our membership stop acting like internet troglodytes who look like Walter Sobchak cosplayers?

To paraphrase the late great Dwight Smith: 'Why not try Freemasonry?' What I mean to say is we as members of this Fraternity have an identity crisis. The crisis is this. We need to decide if we're going to act like Masons both outside and inside of our lodges, or only inside of them. I think this decision is the fundamental solution to all of the issues facing us right now and for the foreseeable future. 

Let me explain. If we're acting like Masons both inside and outside of our lodges, then we are: getting outside of our lodge rooms and we're being active in our communities, which gives us more visibility in our communities, which should in theory lead to new members. This also means that we're being respectful of everyone in our communities (online and real world), able to have meaningful discussions between opposing view points that are backed up by verifiable facts or data, able to embrace our differences by finding common ground with each other, and parting in harmony, which should show us as living the tenets of Masonic Philosophy in our daily lives. 

Or we can decide only to act like Masons in the Lodge room. This means: we're not getting out in our communities, so there's no community visibility for the Lodge, which means we're not getting new members. Otherwise, we're acting like assholes outside of the lodge room both virtuality and in reality, we're entertaining conspiracy theories as factual, arguing with everyone who has an opposing viewpoint without having verifiable data or facts, and we don't have to live the tenets of Masonic philosophy because heck nobody even knows we exist in this town.  

Of the two options above, which do you think is the best recipe for future success? Let's just say this, when you're being a Freemason, you're acting like an individual who is a member of a small and selective (in theory) group of men. When you're being an asshole, you're acting like a common denominator... because everyone has one. 

Before you go to wherever you're going for Thanksgiving, you need to ask yourself what type of member you're going to be this year.  Are you going to fear what conspiracy theory Uncle John or Aunt Karen is going to start ranting about to the point that you loathe having to go? Or are you going to be able to go and be able to ask Uncle John or Aunt Karen for verifiable facts and data to back up their assertion of reptilian shape-shifters taking over the world? Are you going to be able to respectfully disagree with your relatives and walk away? Or are you going to feel the tug on your ego when your relatives vomit word salad and so you decide to 'own' them?  Choose wisely.

~DAL

Darin Lahners wishes everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!