Tyler Pete And The Stairlift Chair

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Bro. Steven L. Harrison 33°, FMLR

Based on a true incident and with many apologies to Brother Robert W. Service and a guy named Sam McGee...

There are strange things done in the Lodge, my son
By the Wardens and Stewards and such.
The kitchen crew has stories for you
That would make you lose your lunch.
The banquet nights have seen such fright
But the scariest night I swear
Was the Fourth of July when things went awry
And Tyler Pete crashed the stairlift chair.

Now that Tyler Pete he had two flat feet; he'd been there since time began.
No one cares when he went through the chairs, but he was Master way back when.
He moved around slow, yet gave it a go as the evening's chores accrued;
But he'd let you know with a tale of woe, "Dishes I don't want to do."

On the Fourth of July we had cake and pie and heaps of Masonic green beans.
The Lodge was well fed, "Too much food," they said, "have to take it home,  it seems."
They packed it all up on plates and in cups and sat it all by the door.
There were many loads to get on the road, all stacked from ceiling to floor.

Now that Tyler Pete with the two flat feet, was still as sharp as a tack.
"Oh, I know," he said, "with his arms outspread, we'll put it all in a stack.
And the stairlift chair will take it down there... It cannot fail, I swear.
In no time at all, we'll get to the hall at the bottom of the stairs."

So he packed it up, every plate and cup and balanced it without fear.
Then he hit the switch but a little glitch made the whole load buck and veer.
Well, the chair, it stopped, but the load atop, shot out like a cannon ball.
The whole pile of trash dropped down with a crash, a big hot mess of a fall.

At very bottom, there was a problem: it was our big plate glass door.
The big ball of goop, pie, cake, beans and soup exploded through with a roar;
And glass and our food on the street it spewed — cars crashed in slime and meringue.
The last crash was shrill, but then it was still. The mishap stunned the whole gang.

Now Old Tyler Pete said, "It's not defeat. There's a good side to it all.
It may be a mess, but really we're blessed. Let's try not to be appalled. 
It's really a boon, as you will see soon. The good side of this shines through.
I'm happy you see and soon you will be: the dishes we don't have to do."

There are strange things done in the Lodge, my son
By the Wardens and Stewards and such.
The kitchen crew has stories for you
That would make you lose your lunch.
The banquet nights have seen such fright
But the scariest night I swear
Was the Fourth of July when things went awry

And Tyler Pete crashed the stairlift chair.

~SLH

Bro. Steve Harrison, 33°, is Past Master of Liberty Lodge #31, Liberty, Missouri. He is the editor of the Missouri Freemason magazine, author of the book Freemasonry Crosses the Mississippi, a Fellow of the Missouri Lodge of Research and also its Worshipful Master. He is a dual member of Kearney Lodge #311, St. Joseph Missouri Valley of the Scottish Rite, Liberty York Rite, Moila Shrine and a member and Past Dean of the DeMolay Legion of Honor. Brother Harrison is a regular contributor to the Midnight Freemasons blog as well as several other Masonic publications. His latest book, Freemasons: Tales From the Craft, will be released later this year.