Masonic Flair

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Darin A. Lahners 

Brian the Mason and his flair

After my article: "What would you say you do here?" referencing the 1999 movie: Office Space dropped, Robert Johnson made a comment on a social media post promoting that article that I should tackle the issue of Masonic Flair. If you have never seen the movie, there is an exchange between one of the main characters: Peter, played by Ron Livingston, and Joanna, played by Jennifer Aniston, regarding Flair. Jennifer works as a server at a fictional restaurant chain in the movie, Chotchkie's. Peter meets Joanna when he enters the restaurant and asks her to lunch at a neighboring restaurant, Flingers. She meets him there in her work uniform and the following exchange takes place.

JOANNA Hi. 

 PETER Hey. 

 JOANNA I wonder if they will let me wear this in here. 

 PETER I think it would be ok. Would you like to sit down? He motions to a chair. 

 JOANNA Ok. (does so) Wow. This place is really nice. 

 PETER Yeah, is it? 

 JOANNA Oh my God, compared to Chotchkie's. I like the uniforms better anyways. 

 PETER I like yours. 

 JOANNA Nah. (makes a face) Peter looks at the buttons' wearing on his suspender. One says We're not in Kansas anymore. The one underneath says POOF. 

 PETER "We're not in Kansas anymore." JOANNA Yeah. Really. (laughs) PETER It's on your - (points) J

OANNA Oh! That's, uh, that's uh, my pieces of flair. 

 PETER What are pieces of flair?

 JOANNA That's where you know, suspenders and buttons and all sorts of stuff. We're, uh, we're actually required to wear fifteen pieces of flair. quite stupid actually. 

 PETER Do you get to pick them out yourself? J

JOANNA Yeah. Yeah. Although I didn't actually choose these. I, uh, I just grabbed fifteen buttons and, uh, I don't even know what they say! Y'know, I don't really care. I don't really like talking about my flair.

Random picture of Joanna and her flair

Freemasons love their flair. and I used to be like Joanna. It felt like I had about 15 masonic pins on my suit coats. I probably had less, but the problem is... I also didn't really choose them. I just grabbed some pins and pinned them on. If I was asked about them, I believe I would be able to answer where they came from, but I didn't really pin them on to be conversation starters. I just thought it was something you were supposed to do. I don't know where I got the idea that I should wear so much flair, but I imagine that it was due to a conversation like this:


GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Darin? Would you come here for a moment, please? 

DARIN: I'm sorry. I was late. I was finishing my green beans. 

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: I need to talk about your flair. 

DARIN Really? I have 15 pins on. I, uh, (shows him) 

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Well, ok, 15 is minimum, ok? 

DARIN: Ok. 

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Now, it's up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum. Well, like Brian, for example, has 37 pins. And a terrific smile. 

DARIN: Ok. Ok, you want me to wear more? 

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Look. Darin.
DARIN: Yeah. 

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: People can get their degrees anywhere, ok? They come to Freemasonry for the atmosphere and the attitude. That's what the flair's about. It's about fun.
DARIN: Ok. So, more then? 

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Look, we want you to express yourself, ok? If you think the bare minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that, ok? You do want to express yourself, don't you? 

DARIN: Yeah. Yeah. 

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Great. Great. That's all I ask. 

DARIN: Ok.
GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Now, about your ritual.
DARIN: Ugh.

At some point, the number of pins that you wear on your suit coat has to become excessive. What number would be excessive? I'd suggest that anything over one or two is excessive, but this is coming from a guy who used to wear an excessive amount of masonic flair. I wish I would have come to this realization by having a conversation with my Grumpy Neighborhood Past Master.

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: We need to talk. Do you know what this is about? 

DARIN: My, uh, pins. 

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Yeah. Or, uh, your lack thereof. I'm counting and I only see fifteen pins. Let me ask you a question, Darin. 

DARIN: Umm-hmm.
GRUMPY PAST MASTER: What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum?
DARIN: Huh. What do I think? Let me tell you what I think, Stan. If you want me to wear thirty-seven pins like your pretty boy Brian over there, then why don't you just make the minimum thirty-seven pins?

GRUMPY PAST MASTER: Well, I thought I remember you saying you wanted to express yourself. 

DARIN: Yeah. Yeah. Y'know what? I do. I do want to express myself. Ok? And I don't need thirty-seven pins to do it. All right? There's my pins! And this is me expressing myself. (Starts to remove pins from lapel) There it is! I hate this this lodge! I hate Fremasonry and I don't need it!! (Storms off)
GRUMPY PAST MASTER: But we haven't even discussed the eighteen mistakes you made in your floorwork! While I didn't have a conversation like the above nor did I have as many pins as Brian, I realized that I was wearing an excessive amount of flair when I showed up to a Masonic funeral a few years ago and I was instructed to remove it. It probably took me a good ten to fifteen minutes to remove those pins. They had to delay the funeral service while I removed my pins and placed it into my suit pocket. That was my wake-up call.

I will say that Americans are the only Freemasons that like to advertise that they are Freemasons. This is most likely due to the public perception of Freemasons in America versus other countries. In England, there seems to be a precedent where someone in the Press will attempt to vilify Freemasonry every so often. It got to a point that the United Grand Lodge of England had to push back and say: "Enough is Enough". It seems that wearing Masonic flair is a uniquely American phenomenon.

Before I begin the equivalent of the points in/points out debate when it comes to Masonic pins, I'm going to acknowledge that you're going to wear as many pins as you want to wear. So, I would ask if you wear pins, please wear them because they mean something to you. Maybe a brother you hold in high regard gave you a pin, or you received one from your mentor upon the completion of your degrees, or you survived your year in the East and you wear your Past Master pin as a reminder to never do that again. Just don't wear them to wear them. I also can't believe I'm saying this, but use some common sense. You don't have to overcompensate for being divested of metal by wearing it on your lapel. If you can't see your lapel, then you're probably wearing too many pins! However, I do thank you for actually dressing up for a degree and showing the candidate some respect.

~DAL

WB Darin A. Lahners is our co-managing Editor.  He is a Past Master of and Worshipful Master of St. Joseph Lodge No.970 in St. Joseph. He is also a plural member of Homer Lodge No. 199 (IL), where he is also a Past Master. He’s a member of the Scottish Rite Valley of Danville, a charter member of Illinois Royal Arch Chapter, Admiration Chapter No. 282 and is the current Secretary of the Illini High Twelve Club No. 768 in Champaign – Urbana (IL). You can reach him by email at darin.lahners@gmail.com

What would you say you do here?

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Darin A. Lahners 

Office Space is a 1999 American black comedy film written and directed by Mike Judge. It satirizes the work-life of a typical mid-to-late-1990s software company, focusing on a handful of individuals weary of their jobs. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Office_Space). One of the scenes in Office Space has a pair of consultants, Bob Slydell and Bob Porter (known in the movie as the Bobs) who are brought in to interview the employees in order to help the company downsize.  Bob Slydell, played by John C. McGinley, famously asks one of the employees, Tom Smykowski who is played by Richard Riehle, "What would you say you do here?"

Imagine if you will that Freemasonry was the corporation in Office Space instead of the fictional Initech.  Imagine that you were called before the "Bobs", and Bob Slydell posed that now-famous question at you, "What would you say you do here?"   What would your response be?  I believe that each individual Freemason would answer that question differently.  Some of you might give the old tried and true answer: "We take good men and we make them better."  Others might answer: "We make new Freemasons".  Others might not even know how to answer the question.  Others might have a completely different answer.    

Still, others might be more forthright answering, like the character of Peter in Office Space.  Peter, who is played by Ron Livingston, when interviewed by the "Bobs", confesses that he lacks the motivation to do a good job.

PETER

The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's just that I just don't care. 

BOB PORTER 

Don't, don't care? 

PETER 

It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime. So where's the motivation? And here's another thing, Bob. I have eight different bosses right now! 

BOB SLYDELL 

I beg your pardon? 

PETER 

Eight bosses. 

BOB SLYDELL 

Eight? 

PETER 

Eight, bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my real motivation - is not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job, but y'know, Bob, it will only make someone work hard enough to not get fired. 

What would Peter say to the Bobs about Freemasonry?   I'd imagine the conversation going something like this:

PETER
The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's just that I just don't care.

BOB PORTER
Don't, don't care?

PETER
It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I show up to a meeting, there's a good chance that I'm going to spend all of the stated meeting listening to the other guys complain. I'm getting absolutely nothing from the Stated Meeting. There's no education, no festive board, nothing to entice me. So where's the motivation to attend? And here's another thing, Bob. We have eight different Past Masters right now!

BOB SLYDELL
I beg your pardon?

PETER
Eight Past Masters.

BOB SLYDELL
Eight?

PETER
Eight, bob. So that means when I make a mistake with my ritual or floor work, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it after the meeting. That's my real motivation - is not to be hassled. That and the fear of being publically embarrassed, but y'know, Bob, it will only make someone not want to come back to a meeting.

I'm being facetious, but unfortunately, the answer I gave above is based on personal experience. To the attentive ear, the question that Bob Slydell asks Tom sounds similar to one that is asked while opening on the First Degree.  "What came you here to do?"  The answer given is: "To learn to subdue my passions and improve myself in Masonry."   That answer is very telling.  How does someone learn something?  You either learn by trial and error, by observation, or you are taught; meaning you are educated.

Freemasonry further reinforces the idea of education being important in the Fellowcraft degree when the candidate is taught about the winding staircase consisting of three, five, and seven steps.  The Three steps alluding to the three degrees that each lodge confers, along with the three principal officers of the lodge, the Five Steps alluding to the Five orders of architecture along with the five human sense, and the Seven steps alluding to the Seven Liberal Arts and Sciences, one of which, Geometry, Masonry is founded on.  I dare say that Education takes a major place in the Three Degrees.  In each degree, the candidate is taught about the working tools, the meanings behind our symbols, how to wear their apron, the due guard and signs, even the tokens and pass by which they can identify themselves as a Freemason.

It makes me wonder why education takes a backseat in our Stated Meetings?  Why is education not prioritized more by our Lodges?  If we are supposed to be improving ourselves in Masonry, then doesn't that allude to an ongoing process of educating ourselves? When we are told to make use of the common gavel for the more glorious purpose of divesting our hearts and consciences of the vices and superfluidities of life, thereby fitting our minds as living stones, for that spiritual building, that house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens; are we not being told to undergo a process of self - improvement?  While divesting your heart and conscience of the vices and superfluidities of life sounds a lot like subduing one's passions, doesn't it also go hand in hand with improving yourself in Masonry?  Is it not part of one's self-improvement to learn new skills?  How does one fit their mind to be a living stone without educating it? 

How would you answer Bob Slydell?  One of the beautiful things about Freemasonry is that it holds a different meaning for each of us.  Therefore, we each will give a different answer to Bob Slydell. It's also somewhat worrisome. As Freemasonry finds itself competing for its member's attention with numerous outside distractions like Social Media, Streaming services, Sports, and other community organizations, shouldn't we want to prioritize one of the main things that Freemasonry should be doing for the majority of its members?  If we are to improve ourselves in Masonry, then Masonry needs to be educating its membership on how to do so.   Otherwise, we're not improving ourselves, we're settling for stagnation.  I'd suggest that the next time that you hear someone grip, groan, or moan about you daring to suggest that Education be a part of our meetings, you remind them of that line from the First degree, and then ask them like Bob Slydell would: "What would you say you do here?"

~DAL

WB Darin A. Lahners is our co-managing Editor.  He is a Past Master of and Worshipful Master of St. Joseph Lodge No.970 in St. Joseph. He is also a plural member of Homer Lodge No. 199 (IL), where he is also a Past Master. He’s a member of the Scottish Rite Valley of Danville, a charter member of Illinois Royal Arch Chapter, Admiration Chapter No. 282 and is the current Secretary of the Illini High Twelve Club No. 768 in Champaign – Urbana (IL). You can reach him by email at darin.lahners@gmail.com