From the archives: In Darkness, Wishing for Light

Expanding the Definition of Masonic Relief

by Midnight Freemason Emeritus Contributor

Bro Erik Marks

*Disclaimer: The following article cannot be used to diagnose or treat any condition, nor is it intended to imply, impart, or provide a clinical training process or be a substitute for professional care.*

In darkness, wishing for Light: expanding the definition of Masonic Relief. Erik Antony Marks, 32, LICSW (Originally published in a modified form in the Fall 2018 issue of Trowel Magazine for Massachusetts Masons: http://tiny.cc/TrowelMagazine).

Brethren, when we first kneel at the Altar of Freemasonry, we acknowledge we are in darkness. Ignorant to the teachings of this Gentle Craft, we supplicate the Worshipful Master and Brethren to aid our Psycho-Spiritual development by providing Light in and through Freemasonry. At other times in our journeys, we may know we are in a different kind of darkness, though perhaps uncertain as to how that darkness descended. As the rough ashlar, no person is immune to the ruffians of the mind and spirit, the mental or emotional afflictions of life: anxiety, depression, shame, trauma(s), substance abuse, loss, existential crises or those of faith, financial or relational distress can affect any of us, at any time. Any one of us may be experiencing these presently or know others who are or have. 

Within Freemasonry, the Charity and Relief we hold dear affirms to our Brothers there is always hope; that help awaits. I propose we support each other by providing a non-monetary, and possibly far more enduring, form of relief. Through discussion, education, and support about emotional and psychological distress it is my hope we will co-create stronger light to shine into the lives of our Brothers, their families, and our communities. To be clear: This missive has multiple purposes, 1) proposing an expansion the definition of what we consider charity or relief; 2) to help one another recognize signs emotional and mental health distress that manifest as part of our humanness and how to help by talking about these openly; 3) as a starting point to look for resources to be of assistance to those in need and 4) to identify when a Brother, Family Member, or Member of our Community may be at risk for death by suicide and direct them towards help. Approximately 45,000 people died by suicide in 2016 and is the fourth leading cause of death in the United States according to The National Institute for Mental Health. According to the Centers for Disease Control, rates are rising and offered this Technical Package on Suicide Prevention. I have heard it said suicide, a public health epidemic, is one of the most preventable. We are in a unique position to fulfill one of our primary missions and assist in prevention by sharing and expanding upon about what follows.

In Masonry we build, with ancient tools and modes of recognition, a trust and bond sufficiently solid to offer a strong grip to our brothers in distress. We could endeavor to lift (br)others back to the possibility of Light, so they, and we, may enjoy greater ease and efficacy in daily life. In the discharge of our obligation of relief to one another, I think it is essential to develop fluency in this conversation. The more we practice the words and phrases, the easier they become to perform. Consider these starting points toward an expand use of our tools:

First, gather information and have a plan. Notice changes in someone’s behavior and routine. Some changes or states may be obvious, some may be subtle depending on the person. It is more important to notice and respond than to try to figure out the reason someone is in darkness: a diagnosis or label is unnecessary for the provision of relief. In this expanded form of relief, our perception or notice of changes in their mood or behavior is the other’s “application,” to us for relief. Look for any of the following changes in (but not limited to): very high or low mood, sleeping too much or too little, appetite increase or decrease, isolation, irritability, too little or much energy, loss of interest in many or previously cherished things or activities, increased substance use, reckless behavior, statements of hopelessness or giving up.

Second, respond. One of the greatest gifts we can give is to listen deeply and attentively; one of the most valuable resources we provide is our time. Actively listen by making eye contact, emphasize phrases they use, ask for clarification, and paraphrase to confirm understanding. It is better to engage not knowing what to do than to not reach for the person at all. If you worry the person is such distress, they could be having thoughts of suicide, it is probable they already are and therefore essential to ask. Inquiring will not put the idea in their minds. To the contrary, knowing you are willing to say the words and ask the question signals to the person that you care enough to step into darkness with them and seek Light, together. It exemplifies, though word and action, that you have done your work to meet them on the five points: walk to where the person is, emotionally and/or physically. Steady their gait with yours. Stay in contact using beauty of your authentic words and strength of an open Heart. Then…speak the word(s). 

I’m allowing you to attach each point without saying them outright. Statements are sometimes made by people in distress that they or those around them might be “...better off if I was gone” or dead. This kind of statement, even if made “as a joke,” must always be taken seriously. Sometimes people will let such statements accidentally or unconsciously slip out and can be an opportunity to ask more. Other times, it is a direct request for help: our inquiry about what they feel and what they mean may not come in the public moment they make the statement, it may be prudent to step aside to inquire in a low breath. Asking in private increases the probability the person will feel comfortable and take your intention of care to heart. Though we are sworn to secrecy with regard to modes of recognition, do not let yourself be sworn to secrecy with regard to this information!

It may feel strange or uncomfortable at first, to ask about things more personal and private. Yet, we already have a method for this type of catechism. However, in this conversation, only our part may be practiced, the responses will be as unique and varied as each individual. Practicing with a brother or brothers before the words are needed, trading parts, will help with fluency, authenticity, integration, and ability to stay present when it counts:

“Hey, haven’t seen you in a while…could we get together this week?

“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed down lately…how’s it going?

“I get the sense something is really bothering you…”

“On the third…what’s going on?”

“Sometimes, when people are feeling what you’re describing, they can also feel hopeless, like giving up. Sometimes the idea of dying crosses their minds. Are you having thoughts like that?” If there are clear signs or statements of imminent threat to self or other, calling 911 is appropriate and caring.

Third, stay in contact and begin to seek more help using the following tools and ideas. Connecting with others and/or getting back to Lodge, Lodge of Instruction, other Fraternal events could be a good start. Share a meal, at home or out. Scaffolding the person and sharing the work with other Brothers lightens each individual’s labor. Psychotherapy or counseling are effective ways to address many of life’s challenges—though I think of the two as different, for the present purpose they can be used interchangeably as many people use them that way already. The premise behind this tool is to have a consultant who is practiced in addressing the complexity of how thoughts, emotions, and relationships can become painful or debilitating. With the therapist/counselor, two people pool their life experiences and expertise to consider how to improve things for the one seeking assistance. It’s a protected conversation to allow for more self-exploration and developing more personalized tools to help oneself. For some, clergy trained in a similar manner may be a more comfortable path to find assistance. A useful on-line resource to begin the search for a psychotherapist/counselor is https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists. (Disclosure: I have no financial interest in this resource and am not listed as a provider on the site).

Medicine is a tool to be used in conjunction with psychotherapy or counseling. Many find that a combination of both simultaneously has the best outcomes depending on the presenting problem(s). Unless clearly indicated, I usually start without medicine and encourage people to introduce it when all other avenues are exhausted or if the person makes the request at the start or along the way. Some people prefer to start with medicine rather than talking. Psychiatrists or Nurse practitioners who specialize in mental health issues are the preferred provider. Alternately, many primary care providers now have experience prescribing medicine for anxiety or depression, and the pre-existing relationship may make it easier to start with this person; the primary care physician can also facilitate a referral if needed or recommended. Exercise and mindfulness-meditation are excellent self-interventions with little to no start-up cost and can be especially potent when enjoyed with a family member or Brother. There are numerous on-line or on-phone apps or resources with which to experiment to move towards healing. I’ve known people who have used a variety of alternative or adjunctive methods to help with symptoms or changes in mood—though beyond the scope of this article.

As Masons, we labor to manifest Charity through Brotherly love and affection. Reaching into the darkness to offer companionship and light might be one of the most powerful expressions of Relief we have to offer. Who would not come to the aid of a Brother? Not letting him sit alone at lodge is analogous to not letting him sit in the metaphorical north of his inner lodge or temple. If we suspect or notice distress and know that stepping into darkness is further than our cable tow will allow, we communicate, alert other brothers, family members, and/or professionals who may have resources of time, means, or experience to respond. I encourage commitment to having this conversation with one another in an ongoing way to extend how think of what is Charitable. We can exchange information and experience about the previously secretive topics of emotional and mental health throughout our jurisdictions in the service of greater relief. I have faith that we can work together to build a stronger structure from which to shine The Light for our Brothers and Communities.

Brother Erik A. Marks, 32º, LICSW, is a clinical social worker whose usual vocation has been in the field of human services in a wide range of settings since 1990. He was raised in 2017 by his biologically younger Brother and then Worshipful Master in Alpha Lodge in Framingham, MA. You may contact brother Marks by email: erik@StrongGrip.org

Must Love be Bounded?

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert E. Jackson

My Brothers, my last piece I wrote of the frustrations of Social Media and the pain induced by the media we are fed each day. I wanted to continue that journey down a separate path, further articulating that pain, in hopes of understanding the waves of depression that the smallest stone can create. If we want to change our path, we must recognize the impacts of our current course.

As I retreated from social media, I found solace within other screens...video games and television. Streaming media services and online gaming are two industries benefiting greatly by our current ‘situation.’ As I was seeking a new escape, I came across a show from a few years ago entitled "Hannibal." As you may have guessed, the program reviews the earlier professional life of the infamous Hannibal Lecter, prior to Silence of the Lambs and Anthony Hopkins' portrayal of that character. One of the main characters within the show, Will Graham, portrays a brilliant yet troubled mind that is able to identify and track down the most disturbed criminals. Will has the innate ability to get into the mind of the killer, understanding their thoughts and motivations, in order to track them down. Unfortunately, this ability comes at a price…feeling the torment of the criminal, internalizing the feeling that not only drives the horrid actions, but the aftermath as well. It was mentioned that Will's empathy for the killer, the gift that allows him to solve these crimes, also torments his mind. Something about this statement resonated with me, so I started researching.

As I scoured the interwebs for information related to social media and depression, the vast majority of articles focused on the aforementioned phenomenon of Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. Tying empathy with depression brought about articles like this one discussing how those with depression often suppress their own internal feelings as a mode of survival. Unfortunately, when you spend so much time trying to bury your own feelings, the feelings of those around you are often tossed into the same grave. If we flip that scenario, however, we might think that the happiness and achievements of others can raise us from our depression. By becoming that Perfect Ashlar, we can foster the happiness and joy in others, and feel the joy within our own hearts. But in 2020, when there is so much unhappiness and anger, it drives you further into the depressive state. Further into that chasm.

So I slightly altered my search, considering the reflective feelings I internalize from so many others. Eventually, I did find an article from the Washington Post examining how high levels of empathy can not only mentally, but also physiologically, negatively impact the subjects. Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, states in the article that “those who regularly prioritize others' emotions over their own are more susceptible to experiencing anxiety or low-level depression.” The specific phrase, “prioritize others’ emotion over their own” was particularly resonating, as I recognized within myself that my own perceived happiness was conceived in the happiness of others.

Another paper, entitled "Empathy and depression: The moral system on overdrive" provided more detail into this phenomenon (much more than I could comprehend). The article states that "People who are depressed most often have normal or elevated levels of empathy; however, their affect-directed, automatic causal interpretations of pain in others are often disturbed, leading to non-conscious assertions of blame, usually placed on themselves." I've written before about Echoism in the Perils of the Perfect Ashlar, so the self loathing was no stranger to me. Following on this thread, the paper asserts that "Depressives are rarely thinking exclusively about the self; instead, they are often dwelling on how they might endanger others, or on their beliefs - often false- that they have harmed others in the past." Overlay these claims with the nonstop animosity we are exposed to every day, and the source of the pain becomes so incredibly obvious.

These new data points within my brain confused me as much as they resonated with me. Wasn’t empathy a good thing, a trait we should all strive for within our daily lives? One could likely argue that with Empathy, those ruffians who created such heinous acts would never have been dealt with accordingly. Was King Solomon’s sentencing simply unjust? Perhaps, similar to other aspects within life, there is a balance that is required, an equilibrium, with Empathy. But what is the opposition to Empathy? When I read the antonyms to the term Empathy, they are all characteristics which we have been taught should be avoided. Detachment. Antagonism. Emotionless. Coldness. These are the characteristics of the psychopathic killer we see portrayed in various forms of media, including the aforementioned show ‘Hannibal.’ So why would you want to achieve balance with a trait that has always been portrayed as something to correct?

As you may have noticed, my writing often creates more questions than answers, after all, the only answers that matter are those we can discover within ourselves. Thus far, within our lessons, I’ve failed to find the guidance of keeping Empathy within due bounds. One could posit that Empathy is simply another passion that must be managed and controlled. But to me, this is a direct contradiction to the root of Charity; boundless and unconditional Love. These contradictions have left me at the proverbial ‘fork in the road.’ For those that have traveled, as well as those who find themselves stuck, let’s continue the conversation as Brothers and Friends. Perhaps this is where the bond of Brotherhood can quell the flames of humanity.

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past Master and recovering Secretary of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a solutions engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org

The Anti-Social Impact of Social Media

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Robert E. Jackson

I was done…I had to quit. For my own mental stability (whatever was left) I just couldn't participate in the world of social media any longer. I've heard of others quitting, and removing themselves from the vitriol, but for so long I found humor and comradery in social media that brought me closer to friends past and present. However, within the dumpster fire of 2020, the good no longer outweighed the bad. In order to maintain a connection, I had to disconnect.

As I've written about before, I've been struggling with depression for years, most likely the vast majority of my life. The Brotherhood I found in Masonry helped with a great deal of those struggles, finding like minded men, socially interacting, and learning to accept our differences with an unconditional Love. Oftentimes, trying to understand these differences, the intent of their actions, causes doubts in our own personal evaluations. The Brotherly charity we exercise usually provides a bidirectional Love and understanding, but in the world of social media, sometimes even among Brothers, that charity seems to fade.

I started realizing that the more I saw on social media, the more upset I became. There was no opportunity for discussion or understanding. As the articles and posts arose, I found myself researching and trying to understand the motivation, the intent. The urge to understand each side became almost an obsession, and eventually, every post, every article, I found to be offensive and hurtful. I'm putting this out there because I found it hard to believe that I'm the only one that feels this, that struggles with the understanding.

With the perception of offense and hurt, I started wondering if I was just too weak, too sensitive. My own personal value dropped, further impacting my already low self esteem. I knew that no matter what I wrote, no matter how I countered, it wouldn't matter. I wasn't going to change anybody's mind, neither did I feel like I had the right to try.

Don't get me wrong, there is a clear positive side of social media. You are able to keep in contact with past and current friends. You can learn through incredible online lectures and presentations to entertain and educate. Especially now when our ability to interact in person has been so stifled, our dependency on social media has skyrocketed. Unfortunately, the common issue of "fear of missing out," sometimes referred to as "FOMO," grows with that increased dependency on electronic socializing. Even to the point where we hear about lectures and presentations after the fact, there is a sadness in not being able to attend, or worse, not being invited.

This fear of missing out, fear of exclusion, has driven mankind to horrible actions in the past. Is it possible to wholeheartedly believe that the world you see is curated, and what you’re seeing isn’t real? Or do those images settle within the recesses brain, always making you wonder if you’ve made a wrong decision, or just aren’t worthy? Almost as if you’re an outsider, unable to gain access to the inner circle of life without the proper password. That inner circle, however, is filled with little more than perception and imagination. These fabrications of the mind germinate and fertilize our pain, thereby feeding the FOMO.

There is another fear within the realm of social media, seemingly much more rare than FOMO, and that's the fear of rejection. Fear that whatever you post, whether serious or intended for humor, will offend or hurt somebody. At best, they will appreciate the humor, and laugh with you. Others may keep their feelings to themselves. At worst, however, the judge and jury of social media commit you to death. Before you know it, you've been labeled with one of the many labels we seem to inflict on ourselves and those around us. For many it appears they can compartmentalize these rebuttals, and shrug them off. To me, it's a horrible feeling of rejection, denial, and suppression of thought. When I see these attacks happening among Brothers, friends, acquaintances, the pain becomes personal, regardless of my involvement in the ‘conversation.’ 

The engineer in me must identify the source that drives these attacks. Is there an anger embedded so deep within humanity that continues to grow unchecked? Or perhaps the problem is solely within myself, being too ‘soft,’ allowing the worst of humanity to penetrate my own Sanctum Sanctorum and discounting the ‘good’ in the world. It just appears to me that an increasing number of people want the anger, the fighting, as the best way to conquer a people is to divide them. This belief brings about a level of contempt for the attacker, and likely my current disdain for "news" (and now social) media. It seems like in these areas all we see are the attacks and wrongdoings of the 'others.'

The contempt that grows within myself, however, doesn’t eradicate the need to understand the motivations and the intent of the attacker. My heart, however, lies with those being attacked. Even if I disagree with their position , I feel they deserve to be heard and as humans we should work to understand. The communication and charity, true tolerance, must happen if we are going to dampen the anger. However, in the world of COVID 19, loss of freedoms, and severe racial disputes, it feels completely hopeless. The rage and hatred, regardless of where people lie on the political spectrum, feels like a poison spreading through our society. The problem is, legislation, social distancing, and required face coverings appear to spread the poison, rather than curtail it.

When I discuss with an effort to understand, and perhaps appear to defend those attacked, I feel the hatred and anger directed to me. What have I done? I just want them to see the other side, try to understand where people are coming from, but now I've hurt the very people I care about. What I want, my desires, and through my actions, have now caused more pain; and I do hope that we can all agree that this world needs less pain. What consistently eludes us all is the path to get there.

I firmly believe that path is hidden within our rituals, within the lessons of Freemasonry. A path that has been laid out by some of the greatest thinkers of humanity. However, only those that seek the path will ever find it. Even upon search, it is possible that we’ll become lost within our own thoughts. I truly fear this cycle of pain will continue, progressively getting worse, until the very foundation of humanity, true Charity, crumbles to dust. My Brothers, my Friends, I need help. We all need help. How do we arrange the Harmony within this Chaos? How do we uncover the Benevolence in the face of Anger? Can we even right this ship, or shall we simply release the tiller, embrace the suffering, and allow the wind to carry us to that “undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveler returns.”

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past and presiding Master of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org

The Perils of the Perfect Ashlar

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Robert E. Jackson

Several months ago, I started a journey. I was on a path to research the mysteries of Masonry and life in general, meditating daily, studying the blogs and making sure that I read something every day. I was in search of the Perfect Ashlar, and I was determined to get there. It wasn't for notoriety, or fame, or to be some master guru, it was just to be better. I needed to be better. My friends and Brothers deserved a better me. My wife and kids, my family, deserved a better me. The problem was, it wasn't me.

I was convinced that every mistake I made, every wrong turn, was another part of the rough ashlar that needed to be processed. The path became a series of checklists, and each task marked complete meant being closer to that perfect ashlar. Each task not complete, drove me deep into the recesses of that rough ashlar into both a figurative and literal, depression. That mental state was viewed as yet another imperfection of the ashlar, driving me further down into a horrible cycle. It was as if I was following a map, a path to enlightenment. Every wrong term, every missed step, needed to result in punishment, or I would be doomed to make the mistake again. It all simply told me that I just wasn't working hard enough.

This impacted every aspect of my life…as a Brother, as a Scoutmaster, husband, father, friend, etc. Every interaction was an apology, another area where I fell short of what my false self was telling me to be. I very quickly found out that one of the driving factors behind this obsession, was a massive fear of rejection. Friends, colleagues, family, will see me as less than what I am…God forbid they would see me for who I really am. And my kids…my kids deserve so much better. They deserve a better Father, the best that anybody could be. However, that strive to be the best ends up as unrealistic expectations placed upon their souls. By demonstrating this urge for perfection, my fear of negatively impacting them was coming to fruition. The very thing I was afraid of was happening.

So, I turned to therapy. I took a break from all education that wasn't related to figuring out what was going on…anything Masonic, work, or Scouting related that wasn’t urgent, had to be put on hold. After years of telling people that our brains are our own worst enemies, I had no choice but to see this in myself. One of the first books I read, Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie, revealed quite a bit. This can be dangerous, however, because there is always the possibility of contracting "Medical Students' Disease." For those not familiar, this is the phenomenon, often seen in medical students, where they are immediately inflicted with every disease and issue they read about. There was one particular section, however, related to perfectionism, where it felt like I was reading a story about my self. 

 
The perfectionist struggles daily with expecting things to be the way they are "supposed to be." There is some obsessive compulsive tendency here (like wanting dishes to be organized in a specific way). However, the majority of the feelings are around self loathing, and resentment. I can certainly see how the resentment can ruin relationships for those that are vocal about their needs and desires. Projects and tasks should be performed in a certain way. Any tasks I complete, must be maintained exactly as how I've done it (again, reference dishes). When combined with the self loathing, however, every time a task wasn't done as I felt it should be done, it became my personal problem. Either I would recognize that the inability to accept other implementations was another fracture in my rough ashlar. Or in some cases, I would blame myself for not communicating my intentions well enough. Certainly there were successes and great accomplishments, but those all belonged to my team members or partners. I was not permitted to enjoy the success…as it wasn't mine.

Another battle of the perfectionist is the take on as many new projects as possible. This was completely obvious in my life, and I can't remember a time where I didn't take on whatever was thrown at me. Looking back, in college, this actually resulted in a physical battle with mononucleosis that lasted over a month. I couldn't give up though. I couldn't stop, no matter how much I was hurt…just like an addiction. Something inside my mind kept pushing me for the next project, the next contribution, for if I was able to do more, I would be more indispensable. I could become not just the perfect ashlar, but the corner stone! That same corner stone that was rejected so many times.

At this point, I feel it necessary to explain that there is a significant difference between seeking sympathy, wanting the 'pity party', and self loathing. The former seeks the attention, the assistance, while the latter hides behind the smiles and laughter. Self loathing often results in seclusion, and withdrawal from society, even though the camaraderie might be what we need most. Thinking about the law of attraction, and the impacts our feelings have on others, there is a fear (yup, another fear) that by introducing ourselves into a concert or meeting when we aren't in the "right mind" may end up negatively impacting others. At one point, I almost skipped our Lodge of Instruction (a monthly district gathering we have in Massachusetts). My good friend, Brother, and Midnight Freemason contributor Erik Marks was speaking. I was so looking forward to this lecture, but I didn't want to poison the room, so I was going to stay home. I forced myself to go, and I left that meeting a different person. Not just his presentation about meditation and contemplative thought, but simply being there with my Brothers made such an impact. I was also able to speak with some of my Brothers about my struggles, trying to understand the difference between Self Compassion, and Self Centeredness. This distinction continues to be a struggle.

We often talk about the Ego - the inner mind. For most of my life. I was convinced that our Ego was merely the inner self that was the antithesis to Charity. From the King James Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:5 states that,

 "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;"

 Our Ego is self promotional, overbearing, pushing down others to make us feel better. I was so convinced that this was the only possible existence of Ego, my way of battling the Ego was to attempt to eliminate any aspect of selfishness. Ultimately this led the path to Echoism, and I was convinced that this was my way. This was how I was to serve mankind, and if I screwed up, it became a personal failure. Eventually the depression of not letting go of the past, transformed into an anxiety of making the wrong decisions in the future. At some points, the anxiety became debilitating, and once again, the fear became reality.

Eventually, with help, I realized that this was exactly what my Ego was doing. What makes me so special? I truly believe that there is a sense of divinity in us all. An unfettering compassion and love that is to be shared with others, and that's what makes us beautiful. I couldn't believe that I had it, because I'm fundamentally flawed. But what makes me so special to be imperfect and not worthy of this love, when so many others, even people I just met, are deserving of the love and compassion that I can offer?

Ryan Flynn has some amazing presentations…one of my favorite's is the Divine Master. 

Brother Flynn was talking about Michelangelo's early life, some of the people he kept company with, and learned from, and of course some of his greatest works of art. This is such a thought provoking presentation, and really enforces the idea of 'hidden in plain sight.' I truly love some of the linkages between our lessons of today, and those of the very distant past. At one point, Brother Flynn discussed the rough and perfect ashlars, and alchemy, and transformation, and simply making yourself better. Sometimes that ashlar appears to be so rough, it's hard to imagine that ever becoming even close to something beautiful. And yet, the amazing marble that was used to carve Michelangelo's David, possibly one of his most famous works, was discarded, judged by other artists to be useless. I’m certainly not comparing myself to the amazing artists of the renaissance, but at that point in time, I realized that I dismissed my own ashlar. Brother Flynn mentioned a very inspiring quote from Michelangelo…

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

I couldn't believe that there was such beauty inside of me. There I was, surrounded by my Brothers, and one of my favorite speakers, and I was drifting off, because the Ego was once again taking control. On my way home, I continued to think about this quote. There is a beauty within us all-- including me. I started again down that dangerous path, though. "If I get to this point, I'll be better. Once I perfect this lecture, I'll be a better Mason. Once I attain enlightenment, I'll be healthier. Once I read this book, I'll be smarter."

Another book I was introduced to along the path, was Eckhart Tolle's, The Power of Now. This book had a great impact with a very dear friend of mine (not a Mason), but after reading I learned that several Masons that I admire have incorporated many of the concepts of this book. Tolle speaks of time as a fabrication of man. Within the animal kingdom, we are the only beings (that we know of) that ruminate over the past, and fear the future. The only point in time that matters to any of us, is right now, this very moment, this very breath. Once we can let go of "when I can…I'll be happy," only then can we truly be happy. I could understand the concept, but again, application of that tool eluded me. It was as if I was in the LEGO movie, looking for the instructional books as I was not yet a 'master builder'. If only I could attain enlightenment. That simple statement, that goal, was putting me back into mind, time, and removed me from the Now. One of my favorite lines from this book, so far, is,

"The past is the past, and there isn't anything that can be done to change that. The future is the future, and whatever happens, will happen."

I still struggle, every day. Even writing this paper caused me to reflect greatly on past behavior. Additionally, there remains a part of me that believes that by overcoming this obsessive quest for the Perfect Ashlar, I can be a better Brother, Scoutmaster, Father, Husband, Friend. I am learning, though, that the kindness and Love that you give to others will never last, if you don't have kindness and Love for yourself.

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past Master and Secretary of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org

From the East to the West

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Bill Hosler, PM

It was a beautiful autumn morning in Central California in 1936. The rays of the sun began to cast a beautiful light on the fruit trees, which were beginning to bear their bounty.

Robert Hayes went out to his mailbox to fetch the morning paper. Robert loved the mornings, even though his love of the morning rarely showed through his usual grumpiness. This was his time of the day to read and catch up with the events of the world while his wife fixed his breakfast. Robert slowly sat down on his rocking chair stationed on the front porch of his modest home. The quiet morning was disrupted by the sound of a truck making its way down his driveway.

The Model-A pickup came to a stop near the front porch where Hayes was sitting. Over the top of his paper, he could see the truck was loaded down with furniture. Hayes could see several sets of eyes peering at him from behind the furniture stacked on every available inch of this old Ford.

“Good morning! I'm sorry to bother you sir. I wonder if you could spare some water. My radiator has run dry.” The man sitting on his front porch looked up from his newspaper and he looked the man up and down. “The well is right over there, help yourself.” he said with a grumble.

“Thank ya sir., My name is Chester, my friends call me Chet.” Chet took his bucket to the well and pumped it full of water. “I do appreciate your kindness.” The man on the porch replied with a surly grunt. Chet tried to strike up a friendly conversation. “Beautiful place you have here sir, everything is so green. It's been a long time since we seen such lush ground and those beautiful fruit trees.” Hayes grunted his agreement.

Chester swallowed hard “I hate to ask you sir but are you hiring fruit pickers? My family and I are good workers and we could sure use the money. We ain't asking for a handout. We work for everything we get.”

Hayes not bothering to look up from the paper said “Nope! We got everyone we need. Ain't hiring.” Chester’s heart began to beat faster. After clearing his throat the nervousness in his voice made it crack as he began to say “Are you sure Brother? My family and I are awfully hungry and we are nearly out of money. We could sure use the work.”

The redness in Hayes’s face began to show as he, in one motion threw his paper to the floor of the porch and he rose from his chair. “You damn Okies!” Hayes said in an angry tone of voice “You damn Okies ruin your ground, taking every single time of it growing wheat, not caring for the land you own and when the winds come and blows your soil to kingdom come you high tail it out of there!” Hayes tirade continued “I don't know if you are aware of this mister but the rest of the country is in a depression too. The local folk here are barely making it too and they need jobs too! You give me one good reason why I should turn away one of my neighbors and give their jobs to you and your brood? Then, to add insult to injury you have the unmitigated Gaul to call me your Brother! Mister I've never laid eyes on your my whole life and you think you can come in here and claim to be my family? The nerve you got!”

Chester lowered his head. There was silence for a second as Chester looked Hayes in the eyes, which were red with anger. “I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to insult you.” As Chester’s shaking hands began to make a sign. “I seen the ring you are wearing” Chester said in a quiet, nervous voice. “I'm not sure how things are done here in California but back in Oklahoma this here is the way we signal distress. Theres some words that go with it too.”

Hayes face showed his surprise. “Are you telling me you are a Freemason?” Chester slowly nodded his head. “Yes sir, I am a Past Master and now former Treasurer of Guymon lodge 335 in Guymon, Oklahoma.“

Chet continued “Before the devil winds started I was an accountant. I had practiced for many years. I kept the books and did the taxes for most of the farmers and the businesses in Texas County. Ten years ago business was booming and all of us were doing pretty well when the wheat prices were high. We had a strong lodge and luckily we built up a large charity fund."

“When the stock market crashed and the winds came, our world was turned upside down. We tried to take care of each other and we did pretty well for several years. We made sure everyone had food and folks could keep their houses. We had hoped God would take pity on us and stop the winds but sadly, it wasn't meant to be. Banks began to foreclose on all the farmers and I lost my house. Eventually everyone's money ran out. We tried to hold out but we became nearly destitute. I traded our family sedan for this pickup and we took what little money we had left to join everyone else here in California.”

Chester lowered his head “I know eventually things will work out. Myself and my family have faith in the Grand Architect of the Universe. He will deliver us to the promised land. Thank you for the water sir. As soon as I get this water into the radiator we will be on our way” Chester turned around and began to walk back to his truck.

Hayes stood in his place. The redness of his face in anger began to be replaced with the redness of embarrassment. “Hang on. Stop right there brother.” Hayes lowered his head and began to talk in a hushed tone. “I need to apologize to you. Since the economy crashed we have had all kinds of hobos, sharpies and other sorts pull in that driveway. Everyone of them begged for a handout or money. I keep hearing on the radio all about you Okies coming in here trying to take jobs away from local folks. “ Hayes continued while gazing at his boots “Being a Mason I should understand about charity more than others. There was one point I found myself in a penniless, destitute situation."

The old man looked at Chester, a tear began to form in the corners of his eyes. “Tell you what. Pull your truck over by the barn and if you like set up camp. If you were just a typical okie with no skills other than farming I probably could help you but I just happen to know the local accountant in town, he is a member of my lodge. He is elderly and has been considering retirement but has been reluctant because there isn't anyone to take his place. If you can prove to him you know what you are talking about he might take you on as a partner and maybe eventually you could own the place. I'll also take you to lodge if you can work your way in. You get that truck settled and bring the youngins and your wife in the house. I'm sure the misses will be happy to fry y'all up some bacon and eggs. She might even have some biscuits. Come to think of it she has been wanting a housekeeper and a cook. Do you think your wife would want the job.”

Chester who was standing in the driveway in shock said with a newly created smile on his face “I'm sure she would but I've been married long enough to know better than to say yes without her permission.”

Hayes actually smiled and began to laugh “A man of good judgment! I think you are going to do fine here! Get that truck pulled over and come on inside!”

~BH

WB Bill Hosler was made a Master Mason in 2002 in Three Rivers Lodge #733 in Indiana. He served as Worshipful Master in 2007 and became a member of the internet committee for Indiana's Grand Lodge. Bill is currently a member of Roff Lodge No. 169 in Roff Oklahoma and Lebanon Lodge No. 837 in Frisco,Texas. Bill is also a member of the Valley of Fort Wayne Ancient Accepted Scottish Rite in Indiana. A typical active Freemason, Bill also served as the High Priest of Fort Wayne's Chapter of the York Rite No. 19 and was commander of of the Fort Wayne Commandery No. 4 of the Knight Templar. During all this he also served as the webmaster and magazine editor for the Mizpah Shrine in Fort Wayne Indiana.

Depression In The Craft

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Adam Thayer

Recently, I made a post on Facebook about how depression and comedy go hand in hand. The feedback I got was surprising; a lot of Masons wrote me in private, saying they too were depressed, and it made me think: am I depressed? Is Freemasonry filled with depressed people?

Depression seems to be more prevalent among certain mind sets: the artists, the aesthetes, those who are creative and appreciate beauty. Those who, in a search for truth and beauty, may find themselves naturally drawn to a society that teaches the importance of both.

I’ve often joked in the past that after finishing a big art project (like writing five papers in a month), I experience the artistic version of postpartum depression; I feel drained and empty, overwhelmed at the thought of ever writing another word, and completely disconnected from the world around me. Of course, it is nothing like real postpartum (which involves hormones and other complicated things), but it’s a pretty appropriate metaphor for my experience.

Science has long shown a solid link between creativity and mental disorder, and I know that personally when I’m at my most creative I’m also a complete wreck. As Lord Byron once said, “We of the craft are all crazy. Some are affected by gaiety, others by melancholy, but all are more or less touched.”

Freemasonry is the perfect home for the artist, who can create and share with his brothers in a place where criticism is, generally, positive and useful. The written word is especially powerful, as we value the exchange of knowledge so highly, however our craft has also enjoyed the talents of many successful painters, sculptors, musicians, actors, and those skilled in stagecraft, all of whom find that they may continue to refine their work within our metaphorical walls, and in return hide allegorical messages in their product for us to discover and enjoy.

As for me, I’m just trying to recover from the mad rush of papers in March and April, and force my fingers back onto the keyboard. I’m sorry I haven’t been as active in writing as I had been in the past, and I hope that I’m on the uphill climb of this roller coaster again!

~AT

WB. Bro. Adam Thayer is the Senior Warden of Lancaster Lodge No. 54 in Lincoln (NE) and a past master of Oliver Lodge No. 38 in Seward (NE). He’s an active member in the Knights of Saint Andrew, and on occasion remembers to visit the Scottish and York Rites as well. He continues to be reappointed to the Grand Lodge of Nebraska Education Committee, and serves with fervency and zeal. He is a sub-host on The Whence Came You podcast, and may be reached at adam@wcypodcast.com. He will not help you get your whites whiter or your brights brighter, but he does enjoy conversing with brothers from around the world!