Showing posts with label suicide awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide awareness. Show all posts

Mental Health Awareness and Freemasonry

by Midnight Freemason Contributor
WB Darin A. Lahners   

One of the tag lines that we hear time and time again about Freemasonry is that it takes good men, and it makes them better.  While I would normally launch into a diatribe about why that is not happening because Masonic education is not being prioritized, I wanted to instead focus on something else that is closer to home. The issue that I wanted to focus on is Mental Health.  One in five people in the United States are affected by some form of mental health issue. (https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness.shtml).  According to afsp.org (https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/), the below suicide statistics bear out that a main demographic of our members (falling in the middle-aged white men category), are at risk for death by suicide.  

  • The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2019 was 13.93 per 100,000 individuals.
  • The rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged white men.
  • In 2019, men died by suicide 3.63x more often than women.
  • On average, there are 130 suicides per day.
  • White males accounted for 69.38% of suicide deaths in 2019.
  • In 2019, firearms accounted for 50.39% of all suicide deaths.
  • 93% of adults surveyed in the U.S. think suicide can be prevented.

My concern is that we belong to a majority male-based organization, and that it is important to convey that we should in the exercise of brotherly love start treating Mental Health Awareness as a priority for our membership.  Why? You might ask.  The answer is simple, we have for the most part been conditioned as men to believe that we are not supposed to show weakness. This idea has been ingrained in us through our socialization, and the media we consume.  We need to start to promote the idea that in the exercise or our brotherly love towards one another that it is okay for us to show emotion. We need to promote the idea that the lodge should be a sacred space where we should be able to talk about our feelings and our mental health and be able to lean on each other for support.  While our charities in Illinois through the Illinois Masonic Outreach program (https://ilmasonicoutreach.org/) do have wonderful programs, their website does not show any resources to assist our membership with any mental health issues they might be having.  In fact, a quick google search engine search with the term: Illinois Freemason Mental Health brought up the Behavioral health resources available at the Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center, but scrolling through page after page of results, there was not a mention of the Illinois Grand Lodge.  I suspect that many Grand Lodges also do not have resources in place to deal with what I feel is a health issue that directly impacts its membership.  

I am one of these members.  I have depression and some anxiety. I have dealt with depression for most of my life.  Like others that struggle with depression, I have good days and I have bad days.  I have been on anti-depressant medication for the past ten years, but it is only recently that after a long break, I again pursued behavioral cognitive therapy with the assistance of a Licensed Clinical Social Worker.  Being a private person and being one of the men that had a false belief that showing my emotions or talking about my feelings was not being masculine; I went without seeking help for longer than I should.  Recently, I reached a point where I realized that I needed help to deal with the emotions that I was feeling.   Essentially, I reached a point where I decided that I could not truly use the common gavel to chip away at my rough ashlar if I was not using it in all areas of my life. 

My hope in writing this article is to reach that one brother out there who might be feeling similar, and to show courage to them in saying: “You are not alone.”  You have brothers you can reach out to, or if you are uncomfortable with reaching out to people you know, I want to say, I am here.  Email me(darin.lahners@gmail.com) if you need someone to talk to.   If you are truly in a dark place, having thoughts of self–harm; pick up the phone and call 800-273-8255 or visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.  I would challenge the rest of the brethren out there to not be afraid to ask your brothers how they are doing, and if you suspect something is going on with them to encourage them to open up to you.  If they cannot, then encourage them to seek help and support them in that endeavor.  My point is that if we are truly going to practice brotherly love, then we need to be able to use our instructive tongues to speak to one another about our emotions and use our attentive ears to listen to those that need it.   

~DAL       

WB Darin A. Lahners is our co-managing Editor.  He is a Past Master of and Worshipful Master of St. Joseph Lodge No.970 in St. Joseph. He is also a plural member of Homer Lodge No. 199 (IL), where he is also a Past Master. He’s a member of the Scottish Rite Valley of Danville, a charter member of Illinois Royal Arch Chapter, Admiration Chapter No. 282 and is the current Secretary of the Illini High Twelve Club No. 768 in Champaign – Urbana (IL). You can reach him by email at darin.lahners@gmail.com

Where Ever You Go, There You Are

by Midnight Freemason Guest Contributor
Bro. Evve Kuykendall 



A few months ago and at the time of this writing, two well known celebrities had taken their own lives. Kate Spade, a well known fashion designer and Anthony Bourdain, a celebrated chef and television host, both died by all available accounts, at their own hands. For most, the depths of despair they felt as a result of their depression is unfathomable. They were, by almost any standard, successful, having fame, money, and strong carriers that have influenced millions of people worldwide.

And yet, they differed enough to resort to suicide. Why couldn’t they see everything they had to live for and all the good things in their lives? Why couldn’t they just “snap our of it” by practicing an “attitude of gratitude”? I mean, they had everything, right? Money? Check. Fame? Check. They had friends and family…why couldn’t they just get over it, especially for those they loved? They had the ability to travel anywhere and do anything…why didn’t they just take some time off to get happy?

Most of the those things had been posted on social media by people who were hurt or confused by their deaths.

What is that old saying?…”Where ever you go, there you are.”

As a younger man, I never really understood that saying. As far as tautologies go, that one really never landed for me. Until it did.

When I left active duty Air Force, I started dealing with a deep depression coupled with suicidal thoughts. I didn’t really know why nor did I have any real coping mechanisms with which to handle it. I started pushing people away and didn’t want to see my friends because I felt even more alone and depressed when I was around them and other people. I could be in a room surrounded by people and feel completely alone. It took an incredible amount of psychological energy to be social, even for short periods. So, I stayed home alone. A LOT. My friends eventually stopped calling and inviting me to go places.

I blamed it it on my having gone back to school full time and of course working full time in order to pay my bills. I was exhausted and just needed sleep.

After I graduated and started my new career, I expected things to change and to have the energy to be social and reconnect with all my old friends—but they didn’t. I was starting a new job so I blamed the depression on the stress of financial insecurity and the loneliness. I blamed my friends for abandoning me when I needed them during school. In retrospect, that wasn’t the case at all.

I worked hard and after some time, received a job offer in another city and state and thought to myself, “Here is my chance for a clean break to start over in a place where I can be anyone I want to be!” So I loved.

Where ever you go, there you are.

The depression and suicidal thoughts followed me, which surprised me. I thought it was because my friends had abandoned me and the city I used to live in was lame. My job had me traveling 20-25 days a month, so once again, I blamed it on the long hours, jet lag, and loneliness.

A call came in that I would be moving again to an even more desirable city, at least socially speaking. I jumped at the chance for another change to move back to my home state of Texas, where I knew people and might have a leg up meeting people. I mean, there has to be a place meant for everyone, right? So, I moved again.

Where ever you go, there you are.

The travel stayed the same, but I was determined to be a happier person; to find fulfillment in my personal time and maybe even find someone special. So, I took some chances socially, connected with someone and started dating. It was slow going and we dated for almost a year before it was time to make the next step.

We moved in together and I started a business with the hopes that we would eventually run the business together. I thought I had finally overcome to darkness from which I had run so far. But the shadow was still there…and that someone special didn’t understand why I was angry and moody and sleepy, and didn’t want to be social. Predictably, everything fell apart. As a result, all that darkness that I thought had gone away or that I had locked away hadn’t gone away at all. It was just behind the door that had been thrown open with my breakup for me to deal with, all at once.

One night soon afterwards, I was texting with an old friend. I mentioned how bad things were going and that I only had one reason for not killing myself: my mother. I couldn’t stand the idea of knowing that I had hurt her with my actions, but that after she passed, I would have nothing tethering me to life. His response sticks with me to this day.

“You need to get help. Fast.”

I realized I had been too honest with him. He just didn’t get it. Doesn’t everyone feel like this from time to time? Isn’t depression normal? But, he got me thinking.

So, I decided that I since I was due for my annual checkup anyway, when I went to the doctor in a few days, I would bring this up to him and put it all behind me. He was going to tell me it was normal and that I just needed some sleep or to take some vitamins or prescribe me something that would turn me into a walking zombie.

I went to my doctor and as his assistant prepped me for the doctor, she peppered me with some questions. I told her that I had been feeling…depressed. She asked if I was having any suicidal thoughts.

“Well, yes,” I explained, “I think about killing myself all the time, but not in one of those ‘I’m gonna actually do it’ kind of ways. It’s more of a comforting, ‘I’m just thinking about it’ kind of ways.” As I heard myself saying it, I realized how crazy it sounded. And so did she.

I came to find out that I have post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. Its symptoms include social anxiety, depression, mood swings, suicidal thoughts…everything I had been dealing with for a decade or longer.

My doctor said, that along with treatment, I needed to begin working on myself. I needed to do things that I found enjoyable and helped me get out of my anxiety and depression. I had to find a way to start enjoying life again.

It had been so long since I had even considered life as something to be enjoyed. One would think such a task would be easy, but nothing was farther from the truth. I had difficulty finding anything that made me want to get out of bed, much less enjoy life again.

Across the street from where I worked was a Masonic Temple. "Wasn’t there a time when I was in the military that I had wanted to check them out or heard something good about those guys?"  I could check them out now. I worked across the street, for crying out loud. I have no excuse. And if they are weird or if it's some kind of cult, I could just say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” There was a possibility I might not even be invited to join the group. So I emailed the lodge secretary and made a subtle inquiry. I was told to come to fellowship night before the next stated meeting.

The night came and I was terrified. I. Was. Terrified. The anxiety of PTSD almost stopped me from walking across the street, but I was determined to stop letting this illness rule my life. So, I got up and walked across the street into a room full of strangers. Now, looking back, Freemasonry, the fraternity I love so much, was (and remains) part of my treatment.

So, I understand better than most what Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain were dealing with.

Where ever you go, there you are.

Depression is a part of you that cannot be escaped with vacations or fancy clothing, or great food, or friends. It isn’t a switch that can be turned off. It follows you everywhere you go, it influences every conversation and thought you have. It hides for periods of times, then re-emerges in different clothing, but it is the same old depression. It isn’t sadness. It is an emptiness—for me it is in my abdomen—a void that cannot be filled by food or alcohol or material stuff. It consumes everything good in your life and convinces your mind that you are alone and would be better off dead.

So, where ever you are, your depression is there, too, inevitably making it feel like everything would be better if it just…stopped

This is the first time I have ever spoken to anyone but family and close friends about my PTSD or my ongoing battle with it. I do so to implore our brethren to look out for one another. Look past the smiles and handshakes and self-deprecating jokes. There are brothers among us dealing with exactly what I am dealing with, some more successfully than others.

It was my brethren that have kept me here, even when they didn’t know it.

For those brother who are suffering, thinking there is no where to turn and no one that cares…there is hope and help, even when that voice is telling you that you are alone. You are loved. You are valued. You are a brother.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255

~EK

Bro. Evve Kuykendall is a Master Mason from St. Johns #51 in McKinney Texas.
He currently resides in Fort Worth, Texas and is a Veteran of the United States Air Force (1999-2005)—Air Traffic Control Specialist. He can be reached at evve.kuykendall@gmail.com