Our Better Halves

by Midnight Freemasons Contributor

WB Darin A. Lahners 

I recently on an episode of the Meet, Act, and Part podcast, which I host along with fellow Midnight Freemasons, Greg Knott, Bill Hosler, and Todd E. Creason, gave a shout out to a woman that I had gone on one date with. I told her about the podcast and she dared me to mention her name. I did so, thinking little of it, other than maybe it would stroke her ego a bit. Recently, I started a relationship with a woman who is not only smart, beautiful, charming, amazing, patient, kind, and every other adjective that I could use to describe someone who is completely and utterly awesome. This wonderfully awesome woman, who will remain nameless until the end of the article, also has a wicked sense of humor. In an attempt to understand Freemasonry better, she decided to give the Meet, Act, and Part podcast a listen. As luck would have it, she chose to listen to the episode where I gave this other woman a shout out. Needless to say, she has been giving me the business about this for a few days now. This is because she also has a wicked sense of humor, and can give me the business as well as she takes my endless taunts. 

However, this got me thinking about the countless women (and men) who are often Freemasonic "Widows" without their significant others being dead. They essentially do not see their significant others many evenings because of Stated Meetings, Degrees, and other events of the various Masonic events that their men participate in. Many of them prepare their clothes for them, ironing their shirts and slacks and do everything in their power to keep their Freemasons looking good, as well as supporting them in their participation of Masonic events, even if it means that they do not get to see them many nights. Women like Tammi Harmoning, who drives Bill Hosler to his various Masonic events, because Bill who can no longer drive loves Freemasonry, and Tammi loves Bill.

One of my more controversial articles for the blog was regarding allowing women into the Fraternity, and as you might imagine, there were a fair number of Freemasons that accused me of heresy for daring to write about such a thing. Yet, I know many Freemasonic Widows that are better versed at ritual than I am, because they are often feeding their significant others lines so that they can memorize it. Apparently, it's okay for our significant others to know the ritual, but we can't let them practice it because of a "landmark" made 300 plus years ago. But I digress. My point is, that these women tirelessly support their significant others and indulge them in their Freemasonic activities. Women like Cori Johnson, who supports Robert Johnson's travels across the country, as he visits various lodges to give presentations, explore Skinwalker Ranch, and run Chicago Masonic-con.  Or Brooke Knott, who allows Greg to hang around with the likes of me.

What I fear is that we don't acknowledge the sacrifices that our better halves make in order for us to be active Freemasons. Women like Val Creason and Janet Pettice, who stand behind Todd Creason and Brian Pettice respectively, when they are at Scottish Rite Reunions, Stated meetings, and Degrees. I thank the many wives of the Valley of Danville members that work in the kitchen every reunion, to make sure that we are fed well. I know in my St. Joseph lodge, we have a "Stand by Your Mason" award that is given out to a significant other of a lodge member yearly that supports her Mason, but I don't think that's enough. I hope that each individual mason is already thanking their significant other daily for all of the things they do for them. However, I think that if you're not having a ladies' night where you're making the women behind the men of your lodge the center of attention, that you need to start doing this at least once or twice a year.

Without the love and support of your better halves, are you able to be good men and masons? Would you be able to know your ritual as well? Would you be able to look as sharp as you do at degrees? So as I enter a new relationship with someone that I think will be this support to me, I want to sincerely thank all of the women (and men) out there that are standing behind their mason. I also encourage every Freemason to do the same thing. Thank the women (and men) who stand behind the men of your lodge and make them the center of attention from time to time. It's the least we can do. Always remember, behind almost every Freemason, is someone who is loving and supporting them.

To Lisa, I say this: Thank you for your understanding of what Freemasonry means to me, and for your support of my involvement in it. I hope that I can read this article to you from time to time to thank you for what I foresee will be your continued support of my involvement in the Craft. 

~DAL

WB Darin A. Lahners is a Past Master of and Worshipful Master of St. Joseph Lodge No.970 in St. Joseph. He is also a plural member of Ogden Lodge No. 754 (IL), and of Homer Lodge No. 199 (IL), where he is also a Past Master. He’s a member of the Scottish Rite Valley of Danville, a charter member of Illinois Royal Arch Chapter, Admiration Chapter No. 282 and is the current Secretary of the Illini High Twelve Club No. 768 in Champaign – Urbana (IL). You can reach him by email at darin.lahners@gmail.com

      

Discomfort in uncertainty

by Midnight Freemason Contributor

Bro. Erik Marks

This will be brief. I want this post to be brief because I don’t want to muddle the message. From the start of my journey in Freemasonry, there was uncertainty. What will happen next to me next? I could have turned away from the unknown and uncertainty, not knowing what would happen. That would have been bad. Freemasonry has support for uncertainty because we have one another. Even if we disagree on this or that, there is the possibility of withstanding uncertainty together. Withstanding doesn’t mean comfort, necessarily. When we work to change ourselves, it is uncomfortable, there is discomfort and there is a lot of uncertainty. “If I break off this part, this habit, this idea, this ideology, what will happen to me?"

Then I realize I don’t have to worry, I’m not alone. I can see my cherished individualism may be a barrier to greater knowledge. Therefore, I lean into the collective for support to help me change, myself. There is a lot of uncertainty in the world. The uncertainty can be good. However, it can feel uncomfortable and it can cause me to be reactive, rash, and impulsive or reflexively try to get back to former comfortable ideas—to hide in old ideas, behaviors— to get away from the light. That would be bad.

So, I hope when each of us feels discomfort in uncertainty, we will take long slow breaths, and turn to one another. Next, that we will lean on the symbols, tools, and structures, and talk it out. If we are willing to do so while managing and maintaining our inner harmony, we will learn and grow individually and collectively; of that I am certain.

~EM

Brother Erik Marks is a clinical social worker whose usual vocation has been in the field of human services in a wide range of settings since 1990. He was raised in 2017 by his biologically younger Brother and then Worshipful Master in Alpha Lodge in Framingham, MA. You may contact brother Marks by email: erik@StrongGrip.org

Where Ever You Go, There You Are

by Midnight Freemason Guest Contributor

Bro. Evve Kuykendall 

A few months ago and at the time of this writing, two well known celebrities had taken their own lives. Kate Spade, a well known fashion designer and Anthony Bourdain, a celebrated chef and television host, both died by all available accounts, at their own hands. For most, the depths of despair they felt as a result of their depression is unfathomable. They were, by almost any standard, successful, having fame, money, and strong carriers that have influenced millions of people worldwide.

And yet, they differed enough to resort to suicide. Why couldn’t they see everything they had to live for and all the good things in their lives? Why couldn’t they just “snap our of it” by practicing an “attitude of gratitude”? I mean, they had everything, right? Money? Check. Fame? Check. They had friends and family…why couldn’t they just get over it, especially for those they loved? They had the ability to travel anywhere and do anything…why didn’t they just take some time off to get happy?

Most of the those things had been posted on social media by people who were hurt or confused by their deaths.

What is that old saying?…”Where ever you go, there you are.”

As a younger man, I never really understood that saying. As far as tautologies go, that one really never landed for me. Until it did.

When I left active duty Air Force, I started dealing with a deep depression coupled with suicidal thoughts. I didn’t really know why nor did I have any real coping mechanisms with which to handle it. I started pushing people away and didn’t want to see my friends because I felt even more alone and depressed when I was around them and other people. I could be in a room surrounded by people and feel completely alone. It took an incredible amount of psychological energy to be social, even for short periods. So, I stayed home alone. A LOT. My friends eventually stopped calling and inviting me to go places.

I blamed it it on my having gone back to school full time and of course working full time in order to pay my bills. I was exhausted and just needed sleep.

After I graduated and started my new career, I expected things to change and to have the energy to be social and reconnect with all my old friends—but they didn’t. I was starting a new job so I blamed the depression on the stress of financial insecurity and the loneliness. I blamed my friends for abandoning me when I needed them during school. In retrospect, that wasn’t the case at all.

I worked hard and after some time, received a job offer in another city and state and thought to myself, “Here is my chance for a clean break to start over in a place where I can be anyone I want to be!” So I loved.

Where ever you go, there you are.

The depression and suicidal thoughts followed me, which surprised me. I thought it was because my friends had abandoned me and the city I used to live in was lame. My job had me traveling 20-25 days a month, so once again, I blamed it on the long hours, jet lag, and loneliness.

A call came in that I would be moving again to an even more desirable city, at least socially speaking. I jumped at the chance for another change to move back to my home state of Texas, where I knew people and might have a leg up meeting people. I mean, there has to be a place meant for everyone, right? So, I moved again.

Where ever you go, there you are.

The travel stayed the same, but I was determined to be a happier person; to find fulfillment in my personal time and maybe even find someone special. So, I took some chances socially, connected with someone and started dating. It was slow going and we dated for almost a year before it was time to make the next step.

We moved in together and I started a business with the hopes that we would eventually run the business together. I thought I had finally overcome to darkness from which I had run so far. But the shadow was still there…and that someone special didn’t understand why I was angry and moody and sleepy, and didn’t want to be social. Predictably, everything fell apart. As a result, all that darkness that I thought had gone away or that I had locked away hadn’t gone away at all. It was just behind the door that had been thrown open with my breakup for me to deal with, all at once.

One night soon afterwards, I was texting with an old friend. I mentioned how bad things were going and that I only had one reason for not killing myself: my mother. I couldn’t stand the idea of knowing that I had hurt her with my actions, but that after she passed, I would have nothing tethering me to life. His response sticks with me to this day.

“You need to get help. Fast.”

I realized I had been too honest with him. He just didn’t get it. Doesn’t everyone feel like this from time to time? Isn’t depression normal? But, he got me thinking.

So, I decided that I since I was due for my annual checkup anyway, when I went to the doctor in a few days, I would bring this up to him and put it all behind me. He was going to tell me it was normal and that I just needed some sleep or to take some vitamins or prescribe me something that would turn me into a walking zombie.

I went to my doctor and as his assistant prepped me for the doctor, she peppered me with some questions. I told her that I had been feeling…depressed. She asked if I was having any suicidal thoughts.

“Well, yes,” I explained, “I think about killing myself all the time, but not in one of those ‘I’m gonna actually do it’ kind of ways. It’s more of a comforting, ‘I’m just thinking about it’ kind of ways.” As I heard myself saying it, I realized how crazy it sounded. And so did she.

I came to find out that I have post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. Its symptoms include social anxiety, depression, mood swings, suicidal thoughts…everything I had been dealing with for a decade or longer.

My doctor said, that along with treatment, I needed to begin working on myself. I needed to do things that I found enjoyable and helped me get out of my anxiety and depression. I had to find a way to start enjoying life again.

It had been so long since I had even considered life as something to be enjoyed. One would think such a task would be easy, but nothing was farther from the truth. I had difficulty finding anything that made me want to get out of bed, much less enjoy life again.

Across the street from where I worked was a Masonic Temple. "Wasn’t there a time when I was in the military that I had wanted to check them out or heard something good about those guys?"  I could check them out now. I worked across the street, for crying out loud. I have no excuse. And if they are weird or if it's some kind of cult, I could just say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” There was a possibility I might not even be invited to join the group. So I emailed the lodge secretary and made a subtle inquiry. I was told to come to fellowship night before the next stated meeting.

The night came and I was terrified. I. Was. Terrified. The anxiety of PTSD almost stopped me from walking across the street, but I was determined to stop letting this illness rule my life. So, I got up and walked across the street into a room full of strangers. Now, looking back, Freemasonry, the fraternity I love so much, was (and remains) part of my treatment.

So, I understand better than most what Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain were dealing with.

Where ever you go, there you are.

Depression is a part of you that cannot be escaped with vacations or fancy clothing, or great food, or friends. It isn’t a switch that can be turned off. It follows you everywhere you go, it influences every conversation and thought you have. It hides for periods of times, then re-emerges in different clothing, but it is the same old depression. It isn’t sadness. It is an emptiness—for me it is in my abdomen—a void that cannot be filled by food or alcohol or material stuff. It consumes everything good in your life and convinces your mind that you are alone and would be better off dead.

So, where ever you are, your depression is there, too, inevitably making it feel like everything would be better if it just…stopped

This is the first time I have ever spoken to anyone but family and close friends about my PTSD or my ongoing battle with it. I do so to implore our brethren to look out for one another. Look past the smiles and handshakes and self-deprecating jokes. There are brothers among us dealing with exactly what I am dealing with, some more successfully than others.

It was my brethren that have kept me here, even when they didn’t know it.

For those brother who are suffering, thinking there is no where to turn and no one that cares…there is hope and help, even when that voice is telling you that you are alone. You are loved. You are valued. You are a brother.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255

~EK

Bro. Evve Kuykendall is a Master Mason from St. Johns #51 in McKinney Texas.

He currently resides in Fort Worth, Texas and is a Veteran of the United States Air Force (1999-2005)—Air Traffic Control Specialist. He can be reached at evve.kuykendall@gmail.com

The Importance of a Meeting

by Midnight Freemason Guest Contributor

WB Robert E. Jackson

When is my next meeting? Ugh, that's too far out. I need to find a meeting. This day was complete crap, work is driving me nuts, family pressures are surmounting, and tax season. Arrgh! Great, I found a meeting, show up, there is coffee, some sweets, and people that I can speak with openly and trust not to judge me for my indiscretions.

Growing up in a household plagued with addictions, the discussion of 'finding a meeting' happened at least monthly, but not always the same person. The purpose for finding the meeting, however, is always the same. Things are going rough in life. Heightened stress and anxiety, pushing you to take another drink. Once in that meeting, though, you are surrounded by people who care about you, and your success in sobriety. People that will accept you, no matter what you've done, recognizing how difficult it was simply to be there, and that you're there for one reason, to improve yourself in sobriety. See any parallels? I'm hoping so…

This week was rough. I'm still not sure why. Any number of things can contribute to an 'off' day. The demands of Lodge, Scouts, Work, Family can ebb and flow on their own cycles. When those things add up though, sometimes life's challenges can seem insurmountable. Almost like a tidal wave of responsibilities and expectations, ready to knock you on your ass no matter how hard you try to stay on your feet. These are the times, when I need a meeting.

Last night, my Masonic District had our monthly Lodge of Instruction. Officers from around the district gather at one of our Lodges for a program assembled by our Grand Lodge. In the past, these programs have centered around a PowerPoint presentation, very similar to the presentation received the year before. Lately, however, the programs have become more interactive. Discussions of topics ranging from various interpretations of the circumpunct, to creating a value proposition for the Lodge. Last night's discussion was a great reflection on whether or not we were living up to the promise and ideals of Masonry. In the course of a few hours, I went from wondering how the world would be impacted if I simply drove into a telephone pole, to being excited about the prospects of our beloved Fraternity and its impact on our culture. None of my Brothers knew about my mental state walking into the meeting, but just by being there, by being my Brothers, they lifted me up yet again.

I'm not looking for a pitty-party, or any sympathy, with this paper. I have been incredibly fortunate in my life, and I fully understand that my trials are insignificant compared to many. However, I felt it important to tell this story for a couple of reasons. We all have our own struggles, and sometimes it can be really difficult to find a way out. Finding a meeting may help more than you know. Additionally, when you are sitting in Lodge, make that effort to reach out to a Brother. It doesn't have to be much…a simple handshake or compassionate smile may be all it takes to save a Brothers life.

~REJ

Robert Edward Jackson is a Past and presiding Master of Montgomery Lodge located in Milford, MA. His Masonic lineage includes his Father (Robert Maitland), Grandfather (Maitland Garrecht), and Great Grandfather (Edward Henry Jackson), a founding member of Scarsdale Lodge #1094 in Scarsdale, NY. When not studying ritual, he's busy being a father to his three kids, a husband, Boy Scout Leader, and a network engineer to pay for it all. He can be reached at info@montgomerylodge.org .

Masonic Wisdom: The Sequoia Tree

By Midnight Freemason Contributor

WB Luciano M. Azevedo

Also known as Redwood the Sequoia tree belongs to the genus of the conifers, characterized by its large size, reaching an average of 257 feet in height, having its trunk the diameter of 15 feet or more!

The most remarkable of this botanical species is its longevity, as it can reach between 1,500 and 2000 years.

What accounts for the greatness, fortitude, and longevity of the redwoods? When I visited Muir Woods in San Francisco CA, I had the opportunity to meet the redwoods and inquire about their secret. I found out that they not only deepen their roots, growing quite a ways down; but the redwoods are located in a region where there is constant humidity during summer, rain and snow during fall and winter; which feeds the roots and trunk, and makes them robust and long lasting.

The sequoia is quite a picture of what we should be. In order to be strong, resilient, "upright", we must grow, deepening of our roots in the knowledge of The G.:A.: O .:T.:U, in virtue and justice. In fact, says the Holy Scripture, "whoever meditates on the Word of God is like a tree planted by running water".

It is also necessary that we seek an environment conducive to our moral and spiritual growth; that's why Freemasons should attend lodge. It is evident that life places us in difficult situations, of weariness, of tribulation, of storms, of multiple trials, making imperative the search for the environment of affinity where we recover our energies and obtain qualification to a straight, positive life with integrity.

Companies and the environment have great influence on us. Hence popular wisdom repeats: "Tell me with whom you walk and I will tell you who you are." So important to walk along with our Brothers! King Salomon’s Proverbs says: "...bad conversations corrupt good manners". Let's keep the level of our talks in higher standards and avoid intolerance!

Deep roots, constant food, perfect humidity (good environment), are the secrets of the redwoods.

A good environment is likewise our secret to beauty, strength, fortitude, longevity and happiness.

~LMA

WB Luciano M. Azevedo holds an MBA and Bachelor in Business Administration. He has published several scientific and philosophical essays and articles in the secular world. As a sommelier he wrote his own column for a major wine magazine for many years. In Freemasonry Brother “Lou” has contributed with many articles from a philosophical basic approach to an ethical decision-making in regards to masonic conduct. He is the current Worshipful Master of Zurich Lodge 1089 of A.F&A.M of the State of Illinois. W. Bro Luciano is also a member or the Grand Lodge Leadership Committee of the State of Illinois, a 32 Degree active member of the Scottish Rite Valley of Chicago and a Shrine Noble of the Medinah Shriners.